


Red-Hot Treats

by DoreyG



Category: DCU, Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Bruce and Damian's Horrifying Evening of Fun, Crack, Family, Family Dinners, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 18:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4798475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Wally," he frowns insistently, hovering just outside the kitchen in a way mindful of the last time Alfred caught him attempting to cook, "Wally, this is a bad idea."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red-Hot Treats

**Author's Note:**

  * For [likewinning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/likewinning/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文 available: [Red-Hot Treats](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5646772) by [Dinaria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dinaria/pseuds/Dinaria)



> For Likewinning as a late birthday present. Hope you enjoy the level of crack!
> 
> (Title is from the song "Feed Me!" from Little Shop of Horrors. Because, you know, why not?)

"Grayson," he says insistently, hovering just outside of the bedroom with an openly concerned scowl on his face, "Grayson, this is a bad idea."

Dick only looks up, gives a vague beam. His bow tie lies crushed in his hand, like a tragedy that symbolises several things, "come on, Damian, I'm sure it'll be fine. Help me with this, would you?"

 

\--

 

"Wally," he frowns insistently, hovering just outside the kitchen in a way mindful of the last time Alfred caught him attempting to cook, "Wally, this is a bad idea."

Wally glances up, almost overbalances into a vaguely red saucepan. The kitchen is an absolute mess, even he has to wince at the tragedy of it, "come on, Bruce, it'll be great! Uh, could you please stop the pasta from boiling over?"

 

\--

 

"Grayson," he repeats even more insistently, as they reach the drive up to the manor, "Grayson, this is a terrible idea."

"You're being melodramatic, Damian," Dick only grins, hand ever so casually on the wheel - the man can just about drive, but it's still somewhat terrifying, "look, they're already waiting for us!"

 

\--

 

"Wally," he repeats quietly, watching Dick haphazardly make his way up the drive with a certain amount of despairing terror, "I don't wish to panic you, but this may well be a terrible idea."

"Stop _worrying_ , Bruce," Wally chirps, already waving with a manic kind of glee - he knows very well that the man's an adult, but he swears that he still acts like a hyperactive teenager at times, "look, he only almost crashed once!"

 

\--

 

"So, West," he starts awkwardly, once all greetings have been made and they're sitting at the table. He gathers that Pennyworth has begged the evening off, and feels intense envy over the matter, "I... Gather that you are having relations with my father."

"Oh, yes!" Wally beams, as father sends him a look of unrelenting despair across the table. He'd feel pity, but at the moment he's rather too busy feeling sorry for himself, "several times a night, in fact! And... You actually meant to confirm that we're in a relationship, didn't you?"

 

\--

 

"So, Dick," he offers awkwardly, after all food has been devoured and they're waiting for Wally to magically produce dessert. It should be a quick process but, judging from the amount of crashes coming from the kitchen, it appears to be anything but, "I haven't seen your new apartment yet. Is it nice?"

"It's pretty great," Dick grins, as... Damian sends him a look of quiet horror across the table. Oh, great, this should only require the removal of most of his brain, "I mean, the bedroom is fairly small and doesn't have quite enough storage for our toys but- um, stuff. Pretend I said stuff!"

 

\--

 

"Well," Dick starts cheerfully, after they've made their goodbyes and driven thankfully away from the awkward atmosphere, "that wasn't so bad, was it? It was quite fun, really! I mean, apart from the part where we learned far more about Bruce and Wally's sex life than we ever needed to know..."

"Grayson, you are an idiot," he interrupts sourly, in exactly the manner that Tiger taught him got maximum results, "now get home fast, so I can tie you to the bed and _show_ you how much of an idiot you are."

 

\--

 

"Well," Wally bounces brightly, after the lights of the car have disappeared into the distance and they've made their way thankfully inside, "that was fun! Good seeing Dick again, not to mention Damian! I mean, the bit where Dick informed you about their sexy games was a bit awkward. But other than that-!"

"Wally, hush," he interrupts wearily, placing one heavy hand on his shoulder for as much emphasis as he can manage without using the voice, "now, shall we go upstairs for the first round? Or would you prefer the dining table?"


End file.
